Blog Lover

I have been really slacking on my blogging as of late. Toss it off to a heavy workload at work, exhaustion from potty training and stubborn 2 year old, exhaustion from my pregnancy, and desperately trying to get ready for baby no. 2 (which I'm failing at miserably and may have a baby in a drawer in ten weeks- exaggeration but you get my point.)

Nonetheless, while I am currently living in a state of rearrangement chaos at home (due to changing the office/overflow clothes storage and whatever else I throw in there to a nursery) I still love home and design blogs. 

I do find it hard to balance a styled home with a cluttered home. Its a balance: decorated but not cluttered or overwhelming.  I think a lot of people like me who love a beautiful home but aren't natural, or professional, interior designers and cant afford to hire one, struggle with.

So here's a list of some blogs I like for inspiration:

https://www.kellyelko.com/
- This blog used to be called eclectically vintage. And that's what I like about it. Eclectic and vintage are two things that work in my transitional, comfortable, farmhouse touches, natural element personal style.

http://www.thewoodgraincottage.com/
- Great if your are into natural elements and or farmhouse style. The only issue is that she seems to have taken a bit into that cluttered overwhelming stage. Its seems like there is now a lot going on. So I honestly don't check this as regularly. That said she has some great ideas and i love a good DIY project inspiration. She also uses texture like no other!

http://thenester.com/
This is one of the first Home interior blogs that I got into. She was a renter that had done a fantastic job making rentals look like home on a budget. a few years ago they bought and remodeled an old mill house. I don't know if her style has changed or mine but im not as in love with the styling as of late but her motto is "It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful" and that's a motto I want to live by.

http://houseofturquoise.com/
This is a color design blog. And to know me is to know my obsession with all things turquoise or any tealish/minty shade. She posts some of her own home but mostly swoons at design posts from other blogs or magazines. If you love the upbeat color like I do, this is a must.

http://cococozy.com/
This one i follow more on instagram and twitter than anything. Its not totally my taste but sometimes i need a change and something chic. This is my go to for that.

http://dearlillieblog.blogspot.com/
This one, can this woman please come decorate my house. She just gets me. Sophisticated, rustic, great wall color usage (I'm just not a white wall girl) but not colored.  I mean clearly she has good taste we even named our daughters the same name! I love this one. Alot.

*I have no relationship with these bloggers other than I am a reader.

Over committed

I am over committed. I haven't blogged in a while because of it. I haven't done a lot of things, like organize my drawers, file the mail, clean up the storage closet, put away the last size of baby clothes, that are still sitting in the bottom of my daughters closet and the list goes on.

I am over committed at work. I have a number of assignments that are incredibility time consuming. I am I love my work, its totally fulfilling but, it can be draining. I mean I am not that special, people always say government workers are lazy, they don't do their work on time. Its not true, we have so much work that we cant get it all done, well at least most of us, there are of course a few...

I am overcommitted in my personal life. I am on my alumni committee, I am a matron of honor in a wedding this year (one of my best friends) and next year (my sister) and a bridesmaid (my brother). I am attending other weddings, communions, baby showers, throwing parties for family members and the list of events go on. My husband isn't much better, with two jobs, in weddings and overcommitted.

We give. We give to our families, our friends but not so much ourselves. And no one seems to notice and say 'hey do you  guys need anything?'

I spend a lot of time thinking about my breaking point. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting close to it.

Will today be the day that pushes me over the edge?

Will I totally lose it and refuse to go to work or throw things all over the house because I'm losing the battle on cleanliness?

Its is very possible that tomorrow might be the day. Or the next. I mean if I have to deal with one more responsibility I might go crazy, be that crazy woman in the grocery store that talks to herself in a sarcastic tone, her hair is a mess and she looks like a zombie. That might be me soon.
But until then I will just keep bringing this candle from both ends. As I'm sure most working moms feel.

A quick note on a Mom Blog

I sometimes feel that modern mothering can be isolating and constantly defeating. You work full time then you come home and do all the housework, cooking, cleaning (I cant justify a cleaning lady in my budget) pay the bills, spend time with your child (you know that quality time that you need to squeeze in between work and bed), do the bath time routine, do the bedtime routine, and then I'm totally shot. I mean really, my DVR is so full I don't know if I have enough room for this weeks shows.  (I'm not knocking stay at home moms. They don't have it easier either. Yes they can cook and clean while caring for the kids but you still have to take care of the kids - so I do believe that it might be easier to get everything in during your day, I don't necessarily think its easier).
Then there is Pinterest which I love, but it shows you how awesome others are and how not awesome you are. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, where we put the best of the best and never show the reality behind the camera. And at the end of the day your exhausted and you cant understand why you couldn't paper-mâché a ballerina and crochet a mermaid blanket all while meticulously decorating your immaculately clean home...

Sometimes its just too much. So I read momtastic a few times a week. A blog written by real moms with real stories about their life, which usually isn't so perfect. Celebrity moms and moms next door, single moms, married moms, stay at home moms, working moms, they are all covered. Complain about your husband not understanding, the reality of a picky eater, questions for others- Its all there. I really love this blog. I have no association to them, but I wish they wanted me to write for them. Its awesome!

Party for a Purpose

Over the weekend, my husband, myself, sister, 'to be' brother-in-law and a number of our friends attended a fundraiser for a foundation in memory of our teammate that died of cancer at the age of 21. Kellie was a happy inspiring person, before, during and now after her battle with cancer. She always remembered to be kind and put others first. She really didn't have a mean bone in her body.

Her family started this foundation in her memory and continue to do the work she was doing. We also started a scholarship for our college rugby team in her name.

Its funny though, its been a few years now and I don't feel as emotional about it anymore. She had died before I had my cancer and while another '20 something' friend of ours had beat his cancer. She reminded us that we are fallible. Nonetheless, I look forward.

But at the fundraiser her always positive father, clearly the source of her positivity, got up and gave a speech. He told us that in the moment, BE KIND. That's how we will honor her memory.

At that moment I started to cry. I did not always remember to be kind. To be honest its my first instinct to be defensive and aggressive; I have to consciously act kind. I don't fail necessarily at being kind but, it doesn't really come naturally to a glass half full, a lot of shit has gone down in my years, kinda person. Another reason for my emotional outburst was that I don't know if I could have been him. Standing there laughing, smiling, reminding us to be kind. He watched his child die. A wonderful person whose life was cut too short. He was with her when she decided to stop treatment because it wasn't working. He was with her when she couldn't eat but wanted to drink her last Keystone (she would have been a senior in college and it was only fitting that it be a cheap college beer). I think I may have crawled in a hole and never recovered. I get depressed if I have a car accident, if my basset hound stinks up my blankets and if there is sticky on the floor from my daughters snack. But not them. They started the foundation shortly after her death. They donate money to the college and our scholarship. They continue her charitable work in Haiti. They remember to BE KIND.




My 'to be' sister-in-law sent a letter to each bridesmaid describing the others. Under my name she said I was classy if not anything. I never think of myself that way. I always see myself as a hot mess barely holding it together and struggling to remember to be kind to others. It was such a compliment to be called classy. But, if she had called me kind, would I have seen that as an insult? Would I have thought she thought I was weak? Probably. And I would have been wrong. So I will graciously accept classy, but I am going to keep working on being KIND. Because Kellie understood something in her 21 years that I am still struggling with. And if she died to teach the rest of us the importance of kindness, then I will strive to honor her legacy.

Because kindness is not a weakness, its a sign of strength, compassion and class.  Thank you to Kellie and her family for showing me that.