Wedding Advice

Last year I married my husband after seven years of dating. Obviously, I had time to think about what I wanted in a wedding.  It also didn't hurt that I worked on a big catering hall all through high school and learned what worked and what didn't from that experience. It never is what you think but, it was gorgeous.  I get told regularly that it was one of the nicest weddings our guests attended, whenever I see family especially, and my friends ask for advice on their pending nuptials. So I decided to write down some of my advice. I'm sure I will add to this over time but here's my general rules about weddings.

Rule 1: It has to  be cohesive
Pinterest can be a common source of this problem. You see so many good ideas and want them all but in reality they just wont work together, or you cant make it look like the professional photographer and designer did. That's ok, pick the ones that work together and for your style.

You want buttons, peacock feathers and fur muffs - this was my friends plan, I told her pick two. Luckily she picked the feather and the buttons and we totally pulled it off with button bouquets, she didn't want any fresh flowers, and buttons in the center pieces.
You want beach, purple, and daisies- another friend- I said pick two she picked beach and purple and it was gorgeous (we used calla lilies that remind you of shells and orchids that were purple).
My wedding I wanted elegant, classic, garden/rustic. And I had to pick two. I gave up garden/rustic for my formal venue. It was worth it.


Rule 2: Follow the steps
Yes, you need to pick things in order. Start with an estimate of how many guests and then find a venue. Then pick a date (I don't recommend picking a date and then finding  a venue that can end in heartache).

Then go get your dress. Make sure it works with the venue/church. (If you have a church remember to decorate it. A little goes a long way but nothing is noticeable.)  For me it was formal and a big space, kind of over the top in a good way. So I picked a ball gown that flattered my figure. But when picking your dress remember the season. Summer and satin do NOT go together. just as chiffon and winter are awkward.

From the venue and the dress you can work on flowers and bridesmaid dresses. You want the flowers to be appropriate for your space, high ceilings, then some (not all) high centerpieces. Low ceilings, low centerpieces. oval tables, remember to decorate down the table. Round tables, extra candles or lengthened flowers might not be necessary.

The bridesmaid dresses should be similar in material (season appropriate) to your dress, try to find similar/ flattering necklines and remember the girls that are actually going to wear them. Is the color going to wash them out? Will there be a neckline that works for everyone or a few that will work? is the back too low, does anyone have something they are very self conscious about that you might want an option for? Try to order from the same shop so that the dye lot is the same but alterations can be done anywhere. (though always have the girls try the dresses on after alterations, one of my bridesmaids did not and didn't realize her zipper had been sewn in and was unusable- luckily my dad is great with thread [they got very close when he sewed her into her dress lol] and you couldn't tell when he was done.)

Rule 3: Select the right Vendors
Go to shows, ask around, talk to them to see if your personalities mesh. You have to deal with this people a lot.

The DJ will have the up-lighting if you want it, swag if you want it, and will basically set the tone. Same for a band. Make sure you get along with the DJ. make sure you tell them what you want when. We loved our DJ but we were very specific. We didn't want swag to de-class our wedding. We didn't want a lot of extra talking, we wanted to dance. We wanted the music to fade from music that appealed to all ages to younger/ more modern music for the younger guests that tend to stay to the end and have 'lightened' up by then thanks to the open bar. Trust me the older guests will keep dancing if they want to, they are also relaxed from the bar.
 

The florist has to get your vision and you have to trust theirs. My florist was known as the florist's florist. Other florists use him for their children's weddings. He totally got me. I didn't want anything looking like a funeral flower, I had enough of those in the year leading up to my wedding.  Just make sure you like and trust them. Otherwise it will be a source of stress.
 
The Photographer. The vendor you spend your day with. They need to get you, you need to get along. If you have a dog and they hate dogs, don't hire them. If their pictures from other weddings do look like what you want don't hire them. Sit and talk. Talk about what you like and don't. Ask weird personal stuff. If it works, then hire them. Photos are basically all you have when its over, you want them gorgeous but you don't want to look back and say 'omg I hated spending the day with them'.

Rule 4: Remember the Small Things
Do you want something special? a photo booth? ice cream bar? sliders and pizza at the end of the night?
 How important is food? You don't want to go too light on appetizers because a lot of people have held out for the food, and to look good in their dress.

Open bar? Beer and wine? Cash? Do the guests have a hint ahead of time so they have cash if they need it? is the facility strict on id's?
what about the hotel? Is it big enough? do you have transport between the venue and the hotel so not to risk everyone's safety?
 
Make sure the cake, the favors, the little things all go with your theme. Also don't pick junk/ tchotchkes as favors, its a waste of money and people throw them out. Pick something that is true to you and your theme and is something people can actually use. This attention to detail shows in the end. I know its a lot of detail and you will want to lose it when its the count down but, its worth it.




Rule 5: Remember yourself, your spouse and your family
 Figure out what traditions work for you and what don't and let your family know. You don't have to do them all but you might want some. And maybe there is something special that you didn't know about that you love or an opportunity to honor a lost loved one.

Get a little something for your spouse on the special day. It can be cuff links, socks, anything cute that shows that the day is still about you two.

Remember yourself. This is something I kind of forgot. Take time to enjoy your bridesmaids. Take a day or a half day before the wedding and get a message. Make sure you love your dress and makeup (take a photo of makeup and whatnot to know if it photographs well.) Its your day too, I focused a lot on my guests, there needs to be balance. This does not mean be a bridezilla- no one like her.
 
Rule 6 Remember.... :
Know that things will not go perfect the day of and at that point you can't control it. When its all over you might have some cake, old flowers, a ripped dress, and a photo album. That's about it.  But if you follow the steps, then you will have done your best and your guests will say the same to you, that it was one of the best weddings they ever attended!!!! And most importantly you will agree!


(Photos taken by Digital-weddings.com)